This is another heavy and very important post for me, I’ve always felt a need to get this out, so here goes nothing.
As February approaches I am reminded of one thing, our missing family member, whoever he or she was.
Last February I was one month away from bringing our beautiful Ruby girl into the world, but the year before that I was crying in my Obgyns office praying to hear a heartbeat during an ultrasound. It was two years ago and I literally have tears streaming down my face as I write this.
Yes I have two healthy babies and I feel BEYOND BLESSED! Yes miscarriage is very common, especially in your first trimester. Does that make any of it easier, NO! And That is my main goal in sharing this post today, to make anyone else going through this feel a little less alone. Physically I was not alone, my husband and my family were right by my side for anything I needed but emotionally I couldn’t escape the feelings of hopelessness.
It was such a strange thing to go through. We found out that we were pregnant with our second baby and we were filled with all the magical excitement that comes with pregnancy, and then after almost 3 months we were now losing that person. This part was probably the hardest on me, I had already felt her inside me (I always thought it was a girl) and bonded with her. In my logical mind I knew that this miscarriage meant my baby was not genetically developing and not meant to be with us. But in my emotional mind I was crushed and I couldn’t let go.
But what blew me away was what came after the miscarriage. Whenever I shared my experience I got a lot of similar responses, don’t get me wrong I’m sure everyone was coming from a loving place but in the moment it was so hard to hear.
“Oh honey It’s soo common” , “You’ll get pregnant again”, “At least you have one healthy baby”
Yes all of these statements are true and I’m not sure what the “perfect” response would have been, it was just that in the moment that was so hard to hear. All I kept thinking was, there was a human with me, growing in me, and all you can say is, “you’ll get pregnant again”. It made it really hard to talk about and open up about it. And if you know me, you know that I am a very open person and talking is an important part of healing
The stigma around talking about miscarriage is strange to me. In your first trimester you aren’t supposed to tell people about your pregnancy just in case you “lose the baby”, so we are just suppose to feel that pain and loneliness on our own? Why? Maybe we aren’t supposed to share the news because it might make others uncomfortable, but for me that was so hard.
So February is a little time for me to have a quick mourn and a time to remember all the things I am thankful for, to say a little prayer for that baby girl and remind her that we are always thinking of her.
If you are ever brave enough to tell me about your miscarriage I will remember to be strong and empathetic (lets be honest I’ll probably sob) but I will try to hug you and just hope you feel my positive love and compassion holding you! And I will acknowledge the being that you held in your belly and send her love also!